


this is home

by orphan_account



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Attempt at Humor, Coming of Age, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Existential Crisis, Fluff, Gen, Please Don't Kill Me, Plot Twists
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:28:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22084147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: In which thirteen boys live in the same house with one adult taking care of them, and yet there's just something wrong with this house and everyone around them.
Comments: 16
Kudos: 22





	1. Spring day, 2001

**Author's Note:**

> this was written when i was only 15/16 on wattpad and i kept it in my drafts for a looong long time, i cried when i found it and i can't believe i used to have these lit ideas when i was fifteen sjanx it's inspired by cavetown's this is home! please check out the song if you havent ❤
> 
> also !! please dont mind the grammatical errors and repetitive sentences and illiterate dictions skdjsjsj i was only fifteen and english isnt my second language

"Eat up. We don't have much time all day."

The six year old boy nodded frantically, not wanting to look like he isn't grateful for the breakfast plate. Seungcheol then took his last egg sandwich and it filled his whole mouth, and he regrettably whined in silence due to his cheeks puffing out but the sandwich is too good to be true. He wouldn't whine about it loudly.

"Are you done yet?"

Hardly swallowing it down, Seungcheol gave the man a thumbs up and several nods while drinking the Tom and Jerry glass of milk from the dining table.

"Good boy." The man said, messing Seungcheol's jet black hair.

As much as he didn't like it, Seungcheol took it as a sign of affection from the person he calls 'sir' every day. He wasn't sure about it, whether the man is his dad or not but Seungcheol didn't care much. As long as he gets what he needs, he would love him back dearly. He could only smile with some bread crumbles on his lips and a moustache of milk stain appeared right under his nose making him look like a cat with white whiskers.

"You have to stay here, Cheolie. I have some stuff to do outside."

Seungcheol let out a small 'okay' statement even though he didn't actually focus on the older's words. He tried to lick all around his lips just to taste anything, but the man only laughed at the cute sight.

"Here, use this, kiddo." He muttered while giving the boy a white cloth.

Seungcheol ended up cleaning his whole face when he's supposed to clean only around his mouth.

"Cheol? I gotta go. Take care of yourself and don't go outside, alright?"

The man approched the main door of the house, and the sight made Seungcheol snapped away from his own dazed thoughts. Hence the reason why he ran to the man, holding the older's leather jacket so he won't leave.

"Wait! Where are you going? Please, dad, I don't wanna be alone here."

The nickname shocked the man, but he quickly ignored it and lowered down to Seungcheol's height, grabbing the boy's shoulders.

"Hey, it's okay. It won't take long, maybe just an hour or two and I'm sure I'll get back fast after that."

The smile from the man didn't calm Seungcheol either. His eyes glossy, his grip on the jacket intensified and his chest tightened because he couldn't imagine being alone without the man's presence.

"But you promised you will watch Tom and Jerry together with me this morning. I don't wanna watch it- al- alone."

Innocent tears ran downwards his rosy cheeks, his lips frowned, and sweat covered his hair. Seungcheol only hoped that this man right in front of him will delay what's he's doing outside.

The older almost gave it in, but he hugged Seungcheol and drew circular motions on the younger's back.

"I'm a dumb man for breaking that promise. See? You're smarter than me. You're the smartest." The man calmed him down while pushing the boy away slowly from the hug only to wipe away his tears.

"Listen to me. I promise I will watch it together with you after I get back. Even not just with me, Cheolie! There will be other people joining us. And I remember that was your wishlist this month, right?"

Seungcheol's eyes widened in excitement, his stomach bubbling with butterflies and he never felt this happy before. He nodded frantically, finally letting the grip go.

"Are these people like you, Sir? Like- like, really tall and can work in offices and drive cars?"

His mind filled with millions of questions, but he only released the most important ones.

"We'll see about that. But, who do you think they will be? Are you sure that they're adults?"

Seungcheol looked down, his mind kept telling him about his favorite cartoon.

"I d- don't know. I feel like the people that will join us is Tom's owners. Th- the ones that, um, don't have any heads because in the episodes they don't show their heads. Yes! Tom's owners will meet me today and I c- can't wait to tell them how much I love Tom and Jerry. They will come here, right?"

The man only smiled, caressing the boy's soft hair, "I'm sure they will, Cheol. So now, I'll just go and tell them to come, okay?"

Seungcheol almost said no, but he jumped around like a six year old he is, as a sign of agreement.

"You stay here, and never go outside. Okay? Or else Tom-"

Seungcheol immediately cut in, "-Tom's stray friends will come and get me. Sir, yes, Sir. I won't go outside!"

The boy's manner changed into an army-like position, and the man giggled at it.

"Good for you, Sir Charlie. I'll be going now."

Seungcheol kept his smile, and his army position, until the door opened, the man left him, and the door closed. He also heard a key sound from outside. Locked.

Now he's all alone.

* * *

The black haired boy flinched from his sleep, his eyes opened in a matter of seconds when he heard the creaking sound of the door.

He felt oblivious, and in need of water but his thoughts ran around Tom and Jerry to his dismay.

"Seungcheol-ah, I'm home."

The boy's dazed eyes was now widened, his lips twitched into a smile, he tried his best to climb down from the tall dinner chair and then ran towards the source of voice.

The tippy sounds from Seungcheol's running feet on the cold tiles was heard. The man, had a relieved smile when he realized that Seungcheol's still inside the house.

But as the boy turned into the corridor towards the main door, his eyes noticed something unfamiliar near the man and he felt so much presences inside. He didn't know if he should be happy or not. He didn't know what to react. His childish embarrassment behavior caught all his motions.

Looking down, Seungcheol's eyes sometimes trailed onto the new people around his guardian. He counted every each one of them. He looked at his fingers, counting, and it's six people in total.

Tom only has two owners. Why are there six?

"Cheolie, come here. I wanna introduce you to your new friends."

With shy steps and head still looking down, the boy approached the crowd.

"Look up, Seungcheol. Behave nicely."

The tad bit loud voice startled him, and the rest of six people. Seungcheol immediately looked straight in front of him, only to see six kids with different faces that he has never seen before.

Talking about expectations, Seungcheol at first expected that it would be Tom's owners who came, but he just saw that there are six boys and not even two adults. Alright, it was just a mere expectation but this- these kids' expressions weren't what Seungcheol expected at all. He predicted that when he looks up, the boys will act like him (being shy) but instead, it's way more different than that.

"Boys, this kid right in front of you, is Seungcheol."

Some of them were still looking down, some of the unknown boys looked straight into Seungcheol, with Cinderella's shoes eyes. Some of their eyes pleaded something, which Seungcheol didn't understand much but he was sure that it's something important.

"Wh- who are they, Sir?" Seungcheol asked, breaking the silence.

"These boys will be your movie friends. They will watch Tom and Jerry together with you. And they will stay here, with us. You want friends, right, charlie?"

He had an intense feeling inside. He kept his hands behind him, showing a submissive state but he knew that something seems odd.

"I do want them, Sir. B- but-"

He stared once again into the boys' expressions. One of them looked away, and Seungcheol had an urge to approach this boy and hug him because he looked sad. But he couldn't do that. One of the boys also rolled down some baby blue tears, and Seungcheol could only gasp silently.

"Stop crying. Introduce yourself." The man whispered to the crying boy, but Seungcheol heard it well. The demanding tone was rather harsh, and Seungcheol has never seen this side of his favorite man before.

The crying boy moved his feet forward, looking down, "My n- name is Soon- Soonyoung."

The man pulled Soonyoung to his line again, and he did a scoff. "Alright, I'll just do the rest of the introductions."

The oldest pointed his finger into the boy next to Soonyoung, the shortest boy of them all, "This is Jihoon."

Then he continued to the next boy, "This is, Jeonghan."

"Joshua."

Seungcheol's ears perked when he heard the strange name.

"Junhui."

Again, Seungcheol got intrigued hearing another strange name.

"And last, Wonwoo."

Although Seungcheol wanted to greet them like any children, but he felt odd and wrong and yet he didn't know why. He's just a kid, after all.

"Kids, you can play with each other for a while. I have something to do first."

The man left the boys alone in the corridor, leaving sad and confused faces plastered on each boys.

Seungcheol, sensed something new inside him. It was like an important role when he met these boys.

The oldest approached them closer, and got to see them better.

The situation was awkward until Seungcheol let out a loud gasp, seeing Wonwoo, as he remembered the name, has purple bruises on his wrists and left cheek.

"Wh- what- your cheek! And your bracelet hands, oh no. What happened to you?"

Wonwoo widened his eyes for a second, hiding his hands, but his eyes went glossy in seconds, his lips shook and twitched into a frown, then Wonwoo looked away. The boy let out a couple of whimpers and Seungcheol just wanted to hug him right there.

"I can't say." The boy whispered, sniffing.

Seungcheol then backed a bit, couldn't help but to think that this scene was familiar.


	2. Autumn day, 2002

Ever since then, Seungcheol made friends with all of them. But this year, another children came.

Seungcheol didn't even know how his guardian got them. He really wanted to ask him about where he found them, but it's just too risky. Seungcheol knew too well that if he does something wrong, bad things will happen. And of course, a leader like him wouldn't let that happen, especially to his own friends.

It was autumn when it happened. Seungcheol was looking out through the window with Jihoon, sitting on the small colorful chairs. The others were doing their tasks in their bedroom, leaving only Seungcheol and Jihoon in the living room.

They were just talking about how brown the autumn leaves are, until they heard muffled noises from outside.

And the door creaked open.

Jihoon was the first one to check the corridor, only to see a man and three boys in dirty clothes and taped mouths. Their eyes obviously drained in tears, hands squirmed in exhaustion behind their backs, a little too desperate to let them open.

"Oh, Jihoon! You're here."

Jihoon had an urge to roll his eyes. But last time he did that, the man didn't give him dinner for two nights straight. It was a traumatic moment for a six year old boy like him. Let's not starve ourselves.

The boy took a look at the three boys again. He was about to call Seungcheol here, to see this. But his guardian shushed him, signalling not to call anyone.

Jihoon was oblivious, confused. Why wouldn't he let Jihoon tell the others?

The man pulled away the three boys' duck tapes, and the tight tie on their hands. It was rather surprising that they didn't scream when the tapes were off, even if they did look like searching for help. Jihoon felt bad about it. Something seemed wrong.

And in the end, the guardian introduced the new boys to Seungcheol and his friends. It was hard to communicate at first, considering that one of them spoke in broken korean.

Just like a normal introduction which seemed familiar, again.

"This is Mingyu."

"Seokmin."

"And, Minghao."

The other six boys greeted them shyly, but it was warm and friendly and it's the only thing that made the new kids happy after all these days.

After their little gathering, the kids are now divided into two rooms, despite having ten boys in a room is too much. Seungcheol, Minghao, Jeonghan, Mingyu, Joshua in one bedroom. And the rest are in the bedroom upstairs. All of them were questioning it on their minds, thinking when did their guardian prepare it all.

The boy with messed black hair, Junhui, came into Seungcheol's room and approached one of the new boys that wore a thief hat. Junhui then smiled at him with his childlike crooked teeth, and the other boy replied the smile with a shy one.

" **Y** **our hat looks cool.** "

The said language shocked the boy with the thief hat, Minghao. His eyes widened in joy, and his lips twitched into a big grin and his heartbeat fastened.

" **Y- y** **ou're** **chinese** **?** "

Junhui laughed with his high-pitched chuckle, " **Of course i am. Born** **and raised.** "

Minghao had his tears clumping on his small eyes, and yet his lips still curved a smile.

Then it happened. Minghao hugged Junhui, not minding if the older wants it or not.

Junhui was a bit shocked, and flustered. Especially when he saw how the other boys have their surprised faces too.

Minghao kept his face on the older's shoulder, sniffing in and out, his tears damping Junhui's soft blue shirt. The action itself still new to the latter. He has never been hugged before.

Junhui had a reflex to speak in a language from the country they're stepping on, "Wh- what are you d-"

" **I just miss home. I miss home.** "

The soft and slow-paced tone from Minghao's voice intensified the room. Junhui understood it well. The others may not. But Seungcheol's heart fell down when he heard how painful Minghao sounds. The oldest in the room then started to get down from his bunk bed, and approached the maknae.

"Myungho, are you alright?"

The said boy automatically nodded his head. Seungcheol wasn't sure at all, but he backed away a bit and gave Junhui a signal to talk to him. Junhui saw his response and he only grabbed the younger's shoulders, looking him in the eye.

" **Minghao, your home is here. See? You're staying here, that means it's your home.** "

Minghao's face turned even more redder, his lips pouted naturally and soft whimpers came out from his mouth.

" **But I remember my home speaks** **chinese** **.** "

" **What? Your home speaks?** "

Minghao only let out a forced giggle, wiping his tears away with his dirty sweater paws.

" **It's no- not like that. I mean, Ev- everyone in my home speaks chinese. This place is not how my home so- sounds like.** " The younger stuttered in his breath. His memories were fleeing around his mum, dad, and his friends at school. This only made him cry even more.

The broken sentences made Junhui frown, and the sight was too familiar but he shrugged it away.

" **It's okay, fella. I'll be your home. You can speak** **chinese** **with me anytime you want.** "

Junhui felt pride in his chest. Proud that he sounded mature enough to be Minghao's older friend.

Minghao's tears rolled down even faster, but the smile didn't leave his expression at all. " **Thank you.** "

The older smiled back, the others heard the famous and familiar chinese words, and felt relieved that they saw Minghao's joyful color in his face.

Junhui then said his goodbyes, and left the room to play with his roommates.

* * *

Dinner was silently terrifying.

Their guardian have already bought five new chairs for the dining room. The kids didn't know for whom those two new chairs are.

If you're there, you could only hear the sound of stainless steel plates hitting on each forks or spoons they're using. The cold situation was too dire to break, but none of them did break it and it's just horrifying.

Jeonghan then backed away from the table, not finishing his food.

"Is everything alright, Jeonghan?"

All eyes shot towards the soft boy, expecting to hear a that-makes-sense answer.

"I'm full."

He lied through his teeth. This is their first dinner together with the three new boys, but he knew deep down that these kids will get uncomfortable if it's silent like this. Jeonghan expected for the others to ask him, so this room will get some warmth and at least, it’s cozy to look at.

But before the other boys open their mouths to ask, the man has already cut them.

"Are you sure, Hanie? We're only having tomato soup."

Jeonghan stomach quenched in guilt, first time lying to his guardian.

"My tummy, I- I don't think I'm feeling well."

The man took a slurp from his soup, and sighed, "Alright then, you should head back to your room."

Jeonghan almost made a guilt face. He didn't plan himself to go back to his room. He just wanted to save his friends from this dying atmosphere. He didn't want to seem selfish.

The boy clicked his tongue, standing up from his seat, and walked away.

"Pathetic." Jeonghan whispered to himself.

The man immediately stood up, the creaking sound of his chair on the floor startled Jeonghan and the others.

"What did you say, Jeonghan?"

The said boy felt his breath shaking, his saliva was gone and he couldn't swallow anything.

He swore he could hear his heart beating fast, not too sure whether the others heard it or not. Jeonghan turned his back away, facing towards the dining table to see his guardian standing up tall.

"I said, what did you say, Jeonghan?"

blood was rushing downwards, his lips pale as a porcelain and he couldn't calm himself. His eyes trailed onto the others, and it only made him diffident since the boys have their scared masks too.

"I'm-"

Jeonghan felt blurry fluids grouped in front of his sight. His hands trembling, so he hid it behind. Then he looked down to the floor.

"I- I was ju- whispering to m- myse- myself, Sir."

And yet he cried, he couldn't hold his sobs. The man embarrassed him in front of his friends. He never knew it would be this scary, being scolded.

"Liar."

That one word, one mutter. It broke Jeonghan's heart to pieces and this is the first time he felt his throat hurting, uneasy to say anything but he had to defend himself from being blamed.

"N- _no!_ Sir- please, Sir. I'm no- I'm not lying, Sir. I told m- myself that I'm _path-_ _etic_. I, I didn't say it to you, Sir."

Jeonghan was in his verge of tantrums, still holding himself in his cries.

"You sure are, pathetic."

The sentences stopped Jeonghan from his sobs. It felt like the world has stopped turning, time froze. The atmosphere slowly eating seconds and minutes. the three new kids, Seokmin, Mingyu and Minghao were too shocked to see this.

"You're sleeping in the basement for tonight, Jeonghan."

Jeonghan gasped, he shed his tears even more as he looked down. Meanwhile on the dining room, Mingyu, silently stood up from his seat.

"Jeonghan hyung is saying the truth. Why would he lie to you?"

The well-mannered voice from the tanned boy resonated throughout the room, and the guardian then searched for the source of the voice.

"Oh, Mingyu? This isn't your business."

Mingyu didn't answer, and he kept his glare towards the older man. Joshua on the other hand, who was the one who sat beside the younger boy, tried to pull Mingyu back to his seat but we know how Mingyu is. He will defend anyone he cares about.

"Min- Mingyu, don't." Joshua whispered. His chest was hurting a bit, scared that something bad will happen to the small puppy kid.

Mingyu pulled Joshua's hand away rather harshly, but it's too late to apologize. His stubborn and yet overprotective personality won't stop himself.

"Sir, Jeonghan hyung said the truth. So don't let him sleep in the basement."

His tone was confident, brave, as if he's talking to a boy around his age.

"How do you know Jeonghan said the truth, Mingyu? Hm? You've only known him for a day."

That, made Mingyu swallow his own saliva. How should he answer this?

"I don't care. Jeonghanie hyung is _my_ roommate. His bunk is in _my_ room so he has to sleep with me and the others in the same room."

Tantrum-ish. The way he said 'my' was demanding. He tried to be dominant in the conversation, hoping that the man will fall for it, but who would've thought? A kid won't win.

"Alright."

Mingyu widened his eyes, hearing the reaction. He felt like he heard it wrong, but no, he heard it exactly the way it is. The others are also flabbergasted, not knowing what to say.

"Kids, go to sleep and I'll lock your doors from outside. I can wash the dishes for you."

The sentences were so easily said, it made Mingyu feel the most heroic in the room that he saved his friends in his first day of staying here.

Then there's Seungcheol. His gut told him that something's wrong.

In a matter of minutes, all of the boys awkwardly walked to their respective rooms.

But as Mingyu was about to head to his room, he felt a hand pulled his shoulder not to go anywhere.

"Except for you, Mingyu."

* * *

The rest of the night was terrifying for the boys inside their rooms, closing their ears trying hard not to listen the puppy boy's faint cries and screams from the basement.

Seungcheol cried in his sleep, blaming himself that he should've followed his feelings and save his brother.

"This is all my fault."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HATED WRITING THIS CHAPTER


	3. Autumn day, 2002 Pt. 2

Seungcheol woke up, eyes swollen.

He looked around to see his room is still cold, no signs of a living creature walking around. He turned his body to his right, and let his head fall down to see if Mingyu's there.

Seungcheol frowned, noticing that the bunk bed under him is still clean.

He then climbed down, letting his feet pressed onto the cold white tiles. He saw his tom and jerry pyjamas a bit messed up, but decided to ignore it and wake up the others.

He approached the bunk beds across him, knocking on the wooden legs of the beds.

"Josh, wake up."

The said boy only let out a groggy groan and he stretched himself. He then looked down under his bed, to see sleepy Seungcheol trying to wake up Jeonghan.

"Wh- where's Mingyu?" Joshua asked, his voice a bit shaking.

Seungcheol shook his head, trying to wipe away the thoughts of last night. His tears didn't appear at all. He must've been running out of water from his tear ducks.

"I don't know." He answered.

Jeonghan then sat up from his position, yawning in response. He signalled Seungcheol, pointing towards Minghao who slept on the single bed near the window. Seungcheol only nodded, understanding the code, and approached the youngest.

"Myungho."

"Myungho, wake up. It's morning."

Minghao slowly opened his eyes, breathing in and out through his nose. He felt dazzling light pierced over the big curtains covering the window.

He sat up, eyes still looking straight at autumn leaves falling outside. His mind drifted to the memory last night. Not minding the window, he quickly stood up to see Mingyu's bunk. And it's still empty.

"M- Mingyu is still-"

Minghao's mind was crazy, millions of flashes came through and he just didn't know how to comprehend about yesterday. Was last night real? Was their guardian mad at Jeonghan and Mingyu? what happened to Mingyu? Were those screams from downstairs real? Was he dreaming?

He almost ran to the door, emotional state swallowed his sanity when he turned the handle door and it opened, realizing that the door's unlocked. _I have to know what happened to him. Mingyu's still out there. i have to save him._

"Don't. Just, don't."

The three words the oldest made minghao hitch his breath, gulping his imaginary saliva down. He stopped at his tracks. Not continuing to go outside.

Seungcheol pulled him back inside, softly forcing him to sit down on his bed.

"Just- wait here, okay? I will try to wake the others and find Mingyu. Okay? Do you understand me?"

Seungcheol tried his best to slow down his spellings, so it won't confuse the chinese boy. As a sign of understanding, Minghao nodded.

The older smiled, "This house is very-"

Seungcheol made a sign with his hands, drawing a big circle, meaning 'big' . he wanted to be sure that minghao understands him.

"-big. I don't want you to get lost."

Minghao have already calmed down from his attack, and nodded again.

Seungcheol made a reassuring smile, then left his room to proceed waking up the others.

* * *

"Oh, Seokmin. You're awake?"

The soft voice from the older startled Seokmin from his anxious thoughts. Seokmin admitted that he has never been this worried before. He was always happy. He was supposed to be the sunshine boy around the neighborhood. This is not like him at all.

"H- hyung, did you hear _it?_ Last night?" The younger asked, almost like a whisper, not wanting to wake up the others.

Seungcheol wanted to break down right there. But he couldn't. He's the oldest, for goodness sake. He had to put up a strong image, wielding his terrified mind inside.

"It was so loud."

Seokmin stopped, sniffing in through his nose. He closed his mouth with his small hands, trying hard not to cry.

Seungcheol sat down right beside him on the bed, slightly caressing his back to calm him down.

"Hyung, it was so loud. I- I couldn't sleep at all. The others were crying too, but I didn't know them well. I'm scared. I'm scared, hyung. I'm scared."

Seungcheol's chest hurt a lot hearing this. Seokmin looked like a vitamin boy, it just made everything even more melancholic if he's sad. The older didn't know what to do.

"Mingyu was my classmate in our kindergarten. He was so kind, h- he bought me ice cream everyday. Th- then just a few days ag- ago, I promised to buy ice cream for M- Mingyu because I owe him a l- lot."

Seokmin continued, "What if he's not there when I give him the ice cream? what if I didn't get to do my p- promise?"

His cries volumed up, making some of the others moved in their sleep.

"Hey, don't say that. I'll make sure to let you do your promise to him, okay? Just close your eyes for a second, and imagine when you open them, you'll see Mingyu saying 'thank you, Seokmin!' and an ice cream cone in his hand."

Seokmin looked down. He knew fairy tales don't exist, but he should at least be a little hopeful for this.

"I'll leave you for a while, yeah? Don't cry. Everything's okay. You're fine. Just- try to wake up others, Seokmin. I'll find Mingyu."

Seokmin was about to hold his older friend back, but it was too late. Seungcheol have already ran away from his room. This only made the younger's throat throb in pain, he had to hold his tears.

Meanwhile on the other side of the crib, Seungcheol tried to find _anyon_ e outside their rooms. He heard something shifting from the dining room, it could be his guardian making breakfast. The boy gulped, ready to face what's coming. He ran into the dining room, to see no food on the table, and no one inside.

"What?" He questioned himself, barely a whisper.

Seungcheol then decided to man up and go downstairs. Which is the basement. His heart pounced fast, but he shrugged it away. This is about his friend. Mingyu is down there, he's sure.

Right beside the laundry room, he found a wooden door. A bit nervous, he still opened the door and the sight in front of him was scary for a seven year old boy.

It's not like any kind of basement. It's not like in the horror movies. The one that their guardian has is the clean one. Aesthetically pleasing, if you'd like to say. But considering that all of the kids heard screams from the basement last night, it just adds up. This basement left a scarred memory.

He walked down the cold stairs, foot per foot. But as Seungcheol noticed that it was too dark to see, he put his small hand on the wall to find any switch.

"Oh, this."

He found one, and turned the lights on.

Seungcheol turned his head to see, and stopped at his tracks with shaky breaths. His eyes blurred, noticing a boy on the corner of the room, laying down, with a small pool of crimson.

Out of reflex, he quickly finished his walk on the stairs to find his way into the boy's position. He wanted to scream out the boy's name, to make sure that he's still alive. But he couldn't.

"G- Gyu."

Mingyu was aware of the sound. He thought when the door opened, it would be his guardian who came. Groaning in pain, he turned to his side to see his hyung running towards him. He sat up slowly, holding his bleeding stomach with his hands.

As seungcheol approached him closer, he kneeled down to help.

"M- Mingyu, I thought you're-"

Seungcheol was in his verge of bursting out, but he didn't care. He hugged the fragile boy's body, and mingyu only let out a hiss ~~because his back hurts~~ but he laughed it off, seeing Mingyu's new friend crying.

"I'm okay, hyung. I'm okay."

Seungcheol pushed himself away from the hug, hearing the soft child-like voice from the younger and it only made tears clumping together in his eyes. Mingyu didn't deserve this.

He stared at the younger, seeing bruises all over his hands, and feet. Seungcheol didn't know if there's more beneath the puppy boy's clothes. A big mulberry color could be seen in his left eye, and it looked like it's starting to swell. Small light pink scratches and purple dots are everywhere. His lips bleeding, but it's already dry, meaning that whatever his guardian did was hours ago.

Seungcheol's eyes widened in shock as he looked at the red color from Mingyu's stomach, beneath his shirt.

"Mingyu, what else did he do to you?"

The said boy only looked down, the strong and stubborn image suddenly disappeared from his ideology. He pulled his shirt upwards, showing his stomach and Seungcheol choked in his gasp.

"I- it's okay, hyung. It wasn't deep."

But the sight was so deep carved inside seungcheol's mind. He's just a kid. The older suddenly wanted to vomit, but he tried his best not to.

" _We were worried sick!_ Just- please. After last night, don't challenge him ever again. Just don't. _Y_ _ou're only five, for pete's sake!_ What if you have to go to the hospital? Not to mention that our guardian _won't_ let us outside, and that'll end up you being dead. Seokmin hasn't done his promise buying you ice cream. He doesn't want you to die. The others were even crying when you're not in your room. They don't want you to die. _I don't want anyone to die, Mi_ _ngyu_ _!_ "

The older's face was red, holding his tears. His eyes still looking down, gripping the younger's fragile hand.

The reminder of Seokmin made Mingyu smile through his bleeding lips.

"I won't die. It's okay. Don't cry, hyung."

Seungcheol wiped his tears away aggressively, leaving angry red marks on his cheeks.

"C- come on, Mingyu. We have to go upstairs."

Seungcheol slowly pulled Mingyu's left hand over his own shoulders, guiding him to the stairs. The puppy boy was limping, and this only made the older blame himself even more when he saw some of the blood dripped into his own clothes.

The leader's eyes darted to the edge of the room, seeing a lone baseball bat standing on its own. It made him wonder whether that sick old man used it to hurt Mingyu or not.

He wanted to take his revenge so bad. His favorite man of all times- have beaten up a kid into a pulp. And this kid- is only five and is a friend of Seungcheol's.

But in the end, a kid won't win. So he decided not to do anything.


	4. Summer day, 2003

"Kids, pack up your things. Tell the others. We're leaving this house for awhile."

Wonwoo and Jihoon that were on their 'shift' doing the dishes stopped instantly. These two kids, as well as Junhui and Soonyoung, have never been outside of the house for _two_ _years._ It's not surprising that they'd have shocked expressions in their faces. Still confused, both of them looked to their backs.

"W- where are we going, Sir?" Wonwoo asked politely, not wanting last year's incident to happen again.

"Nowhere you know, frankly."

The answer didn't satisfy both of them. Good thing is, they've done the dishes and now all they have to do is go to those two bedrooms and tell them to pack up.

As the two boys went out of the kitchen, they whispered to each other.

"Jihoonie, you should go upstairs. I'll tell the boys from this floor."

"Okay."

They both agreed to it, so Wonwoo childishly ran to the leader's room. He knocked the door, but no responses came. He sighed in defeat, and opened it without any allowance from the insiders.

" _Y_ _ah,_ _Wonwoo_ _!_ You scared us."

The said boy only rolled his eyes, seeing five immature boys on the floor, covered with a thick blanket, and a dimmed flashlight could be seen from inside the blanket.

"Really? Scary stories in morning hours?"

Jeonghan revealed himself from the covers, slightly looking at Wonwoo. "Yes, scary stories in morning hours. _Now go!_ You're ruining it. Joshua is telling his story right now, so you better not disturb us."

The soft boy closed their bodies with the big blanket again, leaving Wonwoo on the door frustrated.

Wonwoo then switched the lights on that was off at first. A couple of fake shrieks and whines came from the boys beneath the covers.

" _Wonwoo-yah_ _! What the heck?_ "

Seungcheol was angry now. Wonwoo only giggled in his breath, trying hard not to anger the leader more. _This is hilarious._

"You guys are too caught up with this. Come on. We're told to pack up, bring something. We're leaving this house for a while."

All of the five boys had confused looks, trying to solve the puzzle but they figured it out fast.

"But we've never been outside before." The soft tone from Minghao broke the awkward silence, leaving the others still comprehending everything.

"Are you just messing around so we would stop telling stories or did he actually tell you to-"

Wonwoo immediately cut in Joshua's sentence, "-yes, I'm not messing around. Jihoon is upstairs, he's telling the others too."

The boys believed him fast. They put the blanket to the owner's bed, and prepared their things. Wonwoo then left them to go to his room, still wondering where will their guardian take them to.

Meanwhile on a different floor, Jihoon didn't knock the door and he just barged in. The other three boys flinched hearing the loud sound of the door, but not surprised when they saw that it was Jihoonbwho opened it. Three of them expected Wonwoo to come in after Jihoon, but they didn't see the boy with glasses.

"Where's Wonwoo?" Soonyoung asked, still playing with his cards against Seokmin and Junhui.

Being Jihoon himself, he only rolled his eyes and let his body fall onto his bunk bed. These three boys were like hell to Jihoon. Small talks at night, messing Jihoon's bed, pranking him all day, which aren't exactly what Jihoon wants in his room. He knew that having these sunshines would actually brighten up the house, but let alone the fact that he's been with them for a good one or two years. It's too bright. Good thing there's Wonwoo, similar personality traits as Jihoon's.

"He's downstairs." The small boy mumbled.

Jihoon literally smacked himself in the end, almost forgetting what his guardian told him to do.

"Oh, yeah. Can you stop playing? We should prepare. I think we're going outside for a while."

The three boys indeed stopped, turning their heads to look at Jihoon's direction.

"What?"

Before the small boy have his chance to explain, the door creaked open, showing Wonwoo enter the room.

"Wonwoo, are you making this up with Jihoon?" Junhui asked, still not sure. Jihoon had this gasping face, letting out a few ' _you_ _don't trust me?_ ' words.

At first Wonwoo wanted to ask back what he was talking about, but he got it quick and answered fast.

" _A_ _ish_ _,_ you're just like the ones downstairs. Of course I'm not making this up. And, before you ask more, yes, all of us are going and I don't know where we're going either and you just have to pack up. Now."

Wonwoo's fast-paced and demanding voice worried the other three boys when they noticed how quick Wonwoo walked to their closet, grabbing things.

This made the others followed Wonwoo's actions. All of them were nervous, thinking of what place they will face. But as long as they're together and alright, any kind of places won't matter anymore.

* * *

"Boys, gather up."

Several rough footsteps of small docmart-like shoes could be heard, happily running towards the man's line. Finally. It was their first time being outside. Even if they're just a meter away from their house. Still in the yard.

"Line up."

Ten boys childishly fought over having the front line, but nine of them lost when Minghao pouted to his hyungs just to have the king line. A maknae getting what he wants. Not surprised.

The man sheepishly counted the kids with his own hands, resulting in ten. And he sighed in relief that everything was still going well.

"Are all of you wearing the uniform?" He asked, even though he already knew the answer.

"Yes, sir."

The man smiled at the response, his eyes trailed to the soft mixture of blue and pink uniforms they're wearing. It might seem like a girly color mix, he even almost regretted making it. But the kids loved it. The shorts are adorable with its blue color, as well as the ombré color of rose quartz and serenity long sleeved shirts made it all better. Some of the kids even pointed out their favorite part, which is the tie. It's just like those old school Japanese style, the sailor moon style, sailors style, you name it. The tie contrasts the whole uniform with a pure white color, stood out the best.

He should've been working as a tailor.

"Okay, kids. Listen up. We won't use my car. Especially if there are eleven people inside. So, we're using-"

The man approached to the side of their house, a big car, that's what the boys thought.

"-a small RV. Is that okay?"

The boys didn't reply, they stared in awe, amazed. Their eyes were busy stalking everywhere around the van's body and their guardian smiled in satisfaction, after choosing a Class A Diesel motorhome, it's definitely not a small one. They've never seen their guardian driving an RV before, let alone the guy himself.

"Get inside, make yourselves at home. I'll turn on the machine, and just wait there. Don't touch anything that looks dangerous, okay? I have a phonecall to do."

The boys nodded, and they walked inside the RV.

Realizing that it already unlocked, Seungcheol slid the door open and let his brothers enter in first. And then their guardian went inside, turning on the machine.

After the ac worked and all, the boys felt like they're having the time in their lives. The man left them in the motorhome, with a smile in his lips, grabbing his phone.

" _T_ _here are bunk beds here!_ So cool."

Mingyu sat himself down to one of the beds, feeling how fluffy it is and he just giggled, showing off his canine teeth.

Meanwhile, some of the boys bickered with each other, trying so hard to win over who runs to the toilet first. But they ended up being intervened by the leader himself, telling them to just sit somewhere and play safely.

"Eek," Joshua tried to open the water tap in the kitchen section.

" **A** **water fountain in a bus? That's amazing.** " He mumbled to himself in his native tongue, laughing as he played with the small drips coming out.

"Stop talking to yourself. You're weird." Joshua turned to his back to see Jeonghan giving him disgusted faces, and it only made the american boy roll at his eyes.

"I am _not._ " He glared, pressing the last word to intimidate the older.

"Boohoo. Jisoo is mad."

Jeonghan teased, letting out a glimpse of his tongue and did a 'you are a loser' face and laughed, running away to save his live from the almighty Joshua.

"Urgh, _come back here, you moron!_ "

Seungcheol saw that, and he only chuckled it off and sat down to one of the seats to calm himself down from the hectic situation.

Then his eyes saw something moving through the window.

Looking to his left, he noticed their guardian calling someone on his phone. The man's face seemed a bit angry, but Seungcheol ignored it and decided to wait until the journey begins.

* * *

"S- Seungcheol hyung. _Hyung_ _! wake up!_ _Y_ _ou_ _-_ _you've been sleeping all day!_ "

The said boy groaned groggily, opening his eyes to see the RV was already dark, and a scared Soonyoung trying to wake him up.

Soonyoung was panting, beads of sweat kept crawling to his skin. He just wanted seungcheol to wake up.

"Soonyoung, what's wrong?"

The older sat up in his seat, grabbing his beloved tom and jerry water bottle under his chair.

"Can't you just wake up and not sleep, hyung? You scared me. I thought you died in your sleep."

Seungcheol nervously laughed after drinking the water, thinking that his dongsaeng right here is being too worried.

"I won't die."

The fox boy rolled his eyes.

"But, hyung. Please don't sleep again. I can't- can't sleep right now. I need a friend."

Although it was a rejectable offer, Seungcheol considered that maybe Soonyoung actually needed someone to accompany him.

"Where are the others?" The older asked.

"It's two in the morning. Where else do you think they will be?"

_M_ _akes sense._ The RV doesn't even move. Everyone must've been asleep, including their guardian.

Seungcheol stood up from his seat, and his head looked behind. Indeed, there were four bunk beds and the rest of the kids were sleeping there. On the top first bunk, there laid Jeonghan and Junhui. Right below those two, only Joshua who owned the space. And right across him, on the upper bunk, Wonwoo and Seokmin. And last bunk, is Minghao and Mingyu. The beds were kind of big, so every each of it could be fit with two boys. Then seungcheol's eyes travelled further near the kitchen section. He saw a small foot dangling from the soft jackknife sofa with cushions that everyone fought over. Seungcheol predicted that Jihoon won whatever game they played and so he got the sofa all for himself.

Then the oldest wondered why Joshua was alone on his bunk bed.

"Where's your sleeping space?" He asked.

"With Jisoo hyung."

"Alright then."

Seungcheol sat down on the floor, leaving Soonyoung dumbfounded of his hyung's act.

"Hyung, what are you doing?"

"That should be _my_ line, Youngie. What do you wanna do?"

That question left the younger off guard. That was a confusing question, he actually didn't know what to answer. What does he want to do right now? He has to find the answer quick, or Seungcheol will find this boring and leave him to sleep.

_oh, no._ _no no._

"We should go outside, hyung."

The leader widened his eyes, not believing what he just heard.

"Are you crazy?" he shouted in a hushed whisper, still not believing.

"I am. But crazy boys are cool."

Soonyoung laughed it off awkwardly, turning his eyes to a couple of crescents.

"Where are we, anyway? We shouldn't go outside if our guardian is still awake, _And_ if we're stopping on the edge of a cliff."

The younger rolled his eyes, "Hyung, _you're being dramatic!_ We've been talking loudly these past minutes, and we didn't get caught, see? That means he's asleep. And of course we're not on the edge of a cliff. _Why, of all things,_ should it be a cliff?"

"Alright, alright. Just- tell me where we are. It's too dark to see outside."

Soonyoung looked through the window, and he figured it out easy.

"It's not that dark. We've been stopping here since five hours ago. We're 're in an empty gas station, by the way. Wait- is it called gas station? I forgot the name. Sounds tempting, right? _Please,_ hyung. Let's go outside."

Seungcheol sighed as he stood up.

"Are you sure it's empty, Soonyoung?"

" _Very_ empty that i could dance there if you'd like."

The older gave Soonyoung a poker face, "No."

The fox boy grinned in response, pulling seungcheol to his direction and walked slowly to the exit.

As they're outside, Seungcheol told the younger not to close the RV door and just let it open, in case something happens. And now, they could feel the warm chilly summer air and dots of stars in the night sky.

The gas station- was indeed, _ver_ y empty. They both wondered whether the gases are still available. There's a mini market too, standing right as the same yard as the station's. But it's locked from the outside, and there were yellow police lines covering. The lights were still on, but it was a bit dim and they're sure that this gas station seemed like it's left by the owner.

"Hyung, let's sit here."

Seungcheol stopped from his daydreaming, and nodded dazedly, following Soonyoung. Now, they're sitting at a dirty wooden bench right across the market.

They sat in silence. Not knowing what to say.

"What did you boys do when I was asleep?"

"Oh," Soonyoung chuckled, "We did a lot of things. We ate, too. Burger. Cheesy ones. Wonwoo loved it so much, that he almost stole mine. It's kind of funny. You have yours too, it's in the kitchenette, if you want. Anyway- we also stopped by a road when it was still bright, and we did a sightseeing when the, uh, the sun sets down. It was the prettiest thing I've ever seen. And then we played hide and seek inside the RV when it was getting dark. Which ended up Seokmin being scolded and the game ended because he tried to hide underneath the driver's seat when our guardian was _still driving!_ Seokmin such a dork, seriously."

"Sounds fun." Seungcheol smiled, joy filled his chest after realizing that his brothers had fun.

"But, hyung- don't you think it's weird? That _he_ was being kind to us, and took us to a journey? It's too odd for me. It's like he forgot about Mingyu's last incident. I know that it's a year ago, but still. It's just .. it feels like something's wrong."

That, was what Seungcheol has been thinking.

"Yeah. But let's just ignore it. Have the time of your life."

Soonyoung hummed as a sign of agreement. And there it goes again. Them, being silent.

"Hyung?"

"Hm?"

"Is he our dad?"

Seungcheol looked down, "I don't know."

Soonyoung played with his own fingers, "What does your dad look like?"

The younger's voice had a tint of innocence in it. It's as if he's oblivious.

"I don't know, Youngie." He mumbled, still looking down. This time, there were tears grouped in his eyes and he couldn't help but to keep his face down, aware that the bricks around him has now fallen down completely.

Soonyoung heard the sniffs coming out from his hyung. Soonyoung might be a kid, but he knows if someone's crying. It's like he's mirroring his brother. Soonyoung's 's eyes went glossy too.

The boy shifted himself closer to Seungcheol, wrapping his small arm to the older's shoulders.

"I don't know how my dad looks like either." The fox boy mumbled, smiling with tears as he felt warmth coming from the leader.

This time, Seungcheol didn't reply, holding back his words.

"Hyung."

"Hm?"

"I miss home."

The older smiled, "I know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi it's jackie here! your dumb author owo owo owo i have a question! does anyone know whats actually going on in this au/fic ? i'll give u ten points if u do yOYOYO HAVE FUN GUESSING


	5. Winter day, 2004 Pt. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know that it's too early but if you're stumbled upon this chapter and have an odd feeling about this fic, let me know your theories🙌 i'm sure there's something sketchy+trippy+fishy [especially seungcheol and soonyoung's part in the previous chapter] and you just want to make conspiracy theories about it then go ahead❗ but i cant promise anything to answer whether its correct or not just for plot purposes hwbdkds fighting kiddos

  


The man sighed in defeat. His free hand massaging his own temple, while the other was still gripping the steering wheel. Thick fog covered the streets, as well as pitch thoughts consumed his minds. He tried his best not to look away from the road. And yet, he felt shaky, his heart palpitated and the sight in front of him has gotten more blue.

His eyes travelled down to the radio, and so his free hand turned it on by rotating the circular button. Soft sounds of The Beatles song was tempting, he really wanted to turn the volume up, but he couldn't do that.

Turning right, his eyes trailed to his left, a five year old boy was on his seat, staring at the lone streets.

"What song is this?" The boy uttered, he looked to the man beside him.

"This?" the one driving put on a smile, "I think it's called _Hey Jude_. You've heard of it?"

The boy scratched his head, "No, I don't think so."

They remained silent after that. Watching houses per houses getting passed, quiet yards and elementary schools, churches tucked away from the main streets, and closed markets. Both of them had a feeling that it's only them, outside. It felt like no one lives in here. Was it because of the thick fog, and snow covering the whole city? Iksan was indeed a mystery at four in the morning.

The man kept his eyes on the road, mouth opened to say, "Does it still hurt?"

The boy unconsciously touched his own chest, feeling nothing but normal breathings, "No. I'm okay."

Then the younger's heartbeat fastened. He tried to relax by looking at the soft white flakes on every sidewalks, but it didn't work and he could only feel agitated with this. The man noticed the sudden change, his eyebrows furrowed in slight panic but he didn't want to make the situation even worse.

Chan's eyes were filled with a familiar type of water, slowly falling down one by one. He sniffed in, not wanting to snot all over. Using his longsleeve soft blue jacket, he wiped his tears. He brought his knees closer to his chest, wiping again, and stayed that way.

"It- it doesn't hurt. B- but I don't wan- wanna go."

The man was relieved that the boy wasn't having his asthma attack. It was just him having a mental breakdown.

"Chan. Listen to me, okay? You won't go. You're not going anywhere. It's okay. That's why I'm bringing you to my house. You'll stay there. Forever, if you'd like."

Hearing the comforting brainwash words, chan let out an exhale and wiped his last tears. His nose went peach and red, dizziness scurried his whole head. He leaned his head on the seat, letting none other than his eyelids closing on its own.

The man huffed, tired of his own driving when he realized that their hometown is near.

* * *

Getting out of the man's old hyundai, Chan's shoes stepped sheepishly on the thick snowy pathway towards the terrace of the house.

On the other side of the room, Jeonghan noticed someone unfamiliar through the window. His eyes desperately wanted to know who this is. But then he stopped staring when his guardian was seen.

The man guided chan to the main door. And as they're close, the guardian took his keys from the pocket and unlocked the door. It creaked open, and the man laughed as he saw little Jeonghan standing only a few feet away.

"Jeonghan, this is your new friend. Can you take him to a trip around the house? Introduce him to the others, if you can. I have something to do first."

The smaller boy was taken aback, confusion took all over his mind as he saw the guardian left them alone in the corridor. But Jeonghan, being himself, only grinned and approached the younger kid.

"Welcome to your new house!"

Chan giggled, not expecting to see this, "Are you his son?"

Jeonghan childishly gasped, "No, of course not. He doesn't have any children. He's, kind of like our caretaker, our uncle. And we're his- little friends."

Not taking too long, Jeonghan shyly gripped Chan's arm and slightly pulled him as the older walked through the corridor.

"W- wait. I haven't told you my name."

Jeonghan released the grip, turning his head, waiting for the younger to continue.

"I'm Chan. My name is Chan."

"Chan? Only Chan?"

The younger nodded.

Jeonghan let out a soft chuckle, "Your name sounds adorable."

Albeit wanting to say thanks, Jeonghan has already pulled him to the main area of the house.

The older told Chan that they're now in the living room, and it surrounded with lots of rooms and one of them is Jeonghan's bedroom. Chan thought that Jeonghan was the only kid in the house. But when the soft boy took the younger to his room, Chan was heavily surprised to see four boys inside.

Embarassed, the youngest stayed quiet. His expectations were far from reality, his cheeks started turning to soft red.

Seungcheol, sat up from his bed, "Jeonghan, wh- who's this?"

Him and the others weren't that surprised seeing a new boy, since they've faced that situation a few times and it seemed like an old thing. But this is the first time that a new boy was being introduced by one of the kids himself- not to mention that Jeonghan and Chan went _straight_ to the room without knocking. Hence, it sounded fair if they caught themselves off guard seeing a new boy.

"This is Chan. Our new housemate." Jeonghan's taller figure let himself closer to chan, not wanting him to feel intimidated.

Mingyu put down his book onto his bed, " _Chan_? That's a cool name. We're actually in need of a new friend, and _you came!_ Got bored with these lame bros. Thanks, Chan. I'm Mingyu."

Chan felt a little awkward, but he smiled and said some greetings. Yet, he couldn't help but to think that these boys are older than him. He felt a bit left out.

Before the others have their own introductions, Seungcheol realized something, "Chan, how old are you?"

The boy almost flinched when he heard the question. It's like the unknown boy could read his mind.

"Five. I think." Chan mumbled, not wanting to look into the person's eyes.

"Ah, _five? You're our_ _dongsaeng_ _!_ " This time, Chan flinched when he felt a strange yet warm back hug from Jeonghan. This only made him cringe, but deep down, there's something more than just a cringe. It's warm. He never felt like this before.

"Am- am I the only five year old, here?" Chan asked politely.

Joshua grinned at the thought, "Yes, you are. Except for Soonyoung, he might be like a five year old if it counts. We're all seven, I think- no- some are seven, eight, nine. _But it's okay!_ You don't have to act too formal. I meanㅡ of course, you should call us hyung but you don't have to feel, um, what's the word- oh, intimidated. You don't have to feel intimidated when you're with us. We're here to take care of you as hyungs, so don't get scared, okay?"

Chan's lips twitched into a smile, "Okay."

The american boy then stood up from his bed, approaching the younger and shook hands with him, "I'm Joshua. My name changes into Jisoo, only if you're bored calling me Josh hyung."

Chan chuckled as he saved the data and made a mental note not to forget his name.

"That one, upper bunk, sitting beside Mingyu is Minghao. A little side note, that's his other name. You can call him Myungho."

Minghao waved his hand and let out a small hello which made Chan smile back at him.

Jeonghan then poked Joshua's shoulder lightly, "Oi! I thought I was the one in charge of introducing?"

"Shh, shut up. Let me do this for once." Jeonghan rolled his eyes when he heard the comeback.

"Okay, continue- that one, on Myungho's bed- eh, I mean, the bed near the window, is Seungcheol."

Chan felt a smile keep growing on his lips, his chest filled with flowers and joy when he knew that he has friends now. Friends that will take care of him.

"Okay, that's it." Jeonghan shooed Joshua away, and guided Chan to the older's bed, signalling him to sit down.

"You can rest here if you want, play with us. I think lunchtime is near. You'll get to know the ones upstairs too. They're not as kind as we are, but I'm sure they'd be happy to see you."

"Wait- _others?_ "

Seungcheol cut in, chuckling, "Yep, five boys upstairs. They're so noisy, you have to prepare yourself, Chan. Well, maybe not too noisy. A couple of them are the opposite of _nois_ y. Poor kids."

Chan couldn't help but to giggle calmly, trying to act like he's all fine with it. But deep down, he wanted to cry in joy and scream thank you words to the guardian for letting him stay in this house.

He finally felt safe.

* * *

" _Oh my god!_ So you're the new kid? _Nice to meet you, Chan!_ I'm Seokmin, and these are all my roommates. We live upstairs, if you don't know. This one is jihoon hyung- our cutie small hyung but don't mess with him or he'll hit you with his ukulele- hehe. This one is- meh, ignore him. He cheated on our game today. Okay- this is Junhui hyung, and lastly- our ugly duckling, Soonyoung hyung. We were surprised when our guardian told us that we have a new kid around. _Ah,_ this was such a reliever. We'll take care of you nicely, kiddo. Welcome to the house."

Seokmin's words were rather long but chan slightly laughed hearing how bubbly Seokmin is. Chan's seat on the dining room is beside Seokmin himself, while his roommates sat across chan. These boys that were introduced by Seokmin greeted shyly, not telling their names since Seokmin already did, and this only made Chan feeling like he's older than them. Especially when he sees the small boy. but Chan knew not to piss the kid off. _Jihoon_ _hyung_ _is so cute._

Others were on the kitchen, helping out their guardian for lunch since it's probably Seungcheol's roommates' turn to do their shift on the kitchen. While these six boys, sat awkwardly with each other, except for Seokmin's joyful personality trait.

Chan's eyes trailed to the person sitting beside Jihoon. The boy Chan was staring at didn't realize the stare, but Chan was familiar seeing from his sideview. The same shape of nose that he recognizes and black hair. Chan remembered that this boy with the spectacles didn't get introduced by Seokmin because he cheated on their game. Sounds childish, but it doesn't matter to Chan.

Little did the universe know, Chan is not like any other kids. He remembered every millisecond on why he's in this dining room, in this house, and the hours before any of this happened. And hell, he knows something's wrong happened to the boy that he recognized but- it's too late. 

~~Unlike the others, Chan remembers, and he knows everything.~~  
  
  
  
  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


"W- Wonwoo hyung? Is that you?"


	6. Winter day, 2004 Pt. 2

"You- you were calling me?" Wonwoo pointed to himself, not sure if he heard it correctly.

Chan was beyond flabbergasted, his chest throbbed in slight pain but he shrugged it off and shook his head.

"I'm sorry, I was just- guessing your name."

It was _more_ than just guessing a name.

Everyone was confused with the sudden part, awkward atmosphere covered the whole dining room. Even Wonwoo felt like this will end up being his nightmares for tonight.

On the other hand, Seokmin stopped all of his bubbly sentences and hitched his breath, staring at the younger beside him as if Chan had two heads. The sunshine boy's left eye slightly twitched for a second, he pulled his hands that was once on the table, playing with his fingers. This scene was familiar to Seokmin. The same feeling repeated again, similar as the one when he knew about Mingyu's incident with the guardian a couple of years ago.

"Chan, you-"

The others felt tensed, as well as the youngest. He turned his head to look at Seokmin, expecting to hear nothing but calming words. But from the looks of it, it's impossible.

"D- does it hurt?"

Chan's eyes went wide, and he almost stammered. It's like the universe and every multiverses out there halted their movements. Other four boys were far more confused, deciding not to break this conversation, they let themselves eavesdrop even if it doesn't count as an eavesdropping moment.

_Seokmin_ _hyung_ _was like me too?_

Millions of flashes came through Chan's brain, and he knocked off his breath. Chest started throbbing again, but he tried to let it pass by looking at the window sills on the edge of the room.

"Chan, I think we should talk somewhere."

The younger nodded in agreement, as he heard Seokmin's offer. He caught a glimpse of the other boys, and by the looks of it, they all seemed baffled and Chan agreed more that he and Seokmin should talk about this somewhere far from these kids.

As they walked away from the dining room leaving the boys, Seokmin guided him to the nearest corridor and the older let out a sigh as he approached closer to decrease any loud sounds.

"Hyung, you were like me?" Chan whispered, almost like a sob. His dark brown eyes had a glint of light in it, showing that he's crying.

"Ch- Chan, please, don't cry."

"I- I thought I was the only kid, I thought I was alone-"

Seokmin felt so bad, he hugged the shorter boy, not minding the wet spots on his shirt. Chan held his tears, pulling away from the hug. He didn't want to be a burden.

" _Not just you!_ I was like you, Mingyu and Minghao, too. But if adults count, our guardian was like us previously. I'm sure you're aware of that."

Chan smiled in tears as he felt not lonely like he used to. Wiping his tears away, his face went red due to the stressful life of being an abnormal five year old. Every normal person would've forgotten about it. But as he knew this personally, now he won't feel lonely anymore. There are other kids like him.

"H- hyung, how did you know that I was-"

"You called Wonwoo's name. I'm sure I didn't tell you his name before. So you know him? Were you friends with him?"

Chan wiped the wet substance from his cheeks again, "He's my cousin. But I didn't know that he's- like this, so I was shocked to see him here."

Seokmin let himself silent as a sign of memorizing the plot. Wonwoo forgot about Chan, then. It's one-sided. Chan remembers him, but Wonwoo doesn't. _Alright, we'll think this through easily. Breathe, Seokmin._

"When did you .. ?" Seokmin asked, not wanting to continue.

"Just this morning. Dawn."

Seokmin had a sullen look, he could feel his heart broke and fell down deeper than he thought, "I'm sorry."

"No need to be sorry, hyung. It happened."

"But does it still hurt?"

Chan looked away, "My chest hurts a bit from time to time."

Seokmin felt his empathy grew out even wider, he wanted to cry hearing this but he won't let his sunshine image loosen away. At first he wanted to ask about what happened, but he reminded himself not to cross boundaries.

"If you feel anything, let me know, okay? If i'm not there, Mingyu and Minghao will be there for you. We'll help you out."

Chan knew that he shouldn't cry now but he did, baby blue tears streaming down but they were joyful ones and not out of sadness. There was a broad smile on his lips, warmth engulfed his whole body, and he let out a thanks to his hyung.

"Sometimes i feel cold too, hyung. It's- still there. I can feel it."

"Are you cold right now, Chan?"

"No."

Seokmin smiled in relief, knowing that the younger is in a safe haven.

"You know, I'm serious with what I said earlier. If you feel anything, I mean- _anything_ weird, let us know. Me, Minghao, and Mingyu only. If you want to tell it to our guardian, then go ahead, but he could get a bit temperamental at times so I think you _really_ should tell only us three. It's a serious thing, Chan. Mingyu and I sometimes feel these painful quirks so we just- face it together and, yeah, it hurts a little too much. Sometimes we both end up sitting in the bathroom because it's the only cold thing around the house. But now, it's winter. So if anything kind of triggers us, we don't have to go to the bathroom. I don't know much about Minghao though. He never told us about where and when did it hurt, but I'm sure it's painful as well. We always help Minghao by talking and distracting him. It goes well everyday. Still, my point is, you have to tell us and we'll do our best to help you like what we did to each other. You're just a few years younger than us and it scares me a lot that you're getting through this alone."

Chan looked down, moving his head up and down repeatedly as a sign of consent, and he acknowledged the fact that the three of his hyungs are also like him.

"So, you and Mingyu hyung sometimes end up in the bathroom because it's cold. Does that mean your pain is something about- warm stuff?"

"Worse than warm."

Chan's lips faltered, looking down, "I'm sorry, hyung. It must've hurt a lot."

"Don't be sorry. Mingyu is right by my side, anyway. We're getting used to it. Now _you_ should be the one I'm worrying for. Just- let us know, okay?"

Chan nodded in assurance, giving the older a smile and it relieved Seokmin a lot now that they've talked things out. Both of them then heard a bunch of dinner sounds from the dining table, which means dinnertime is starting.

Seokmin gave a signal for the younger to head back first. But before Chan walked away, Seokmin remembered something.

"Oh, wait- Chan."

"Yes, hyung?"

"You know that the rest of the boys aren't like us, right?"

Took a while before he answered, "I know."

Seokmin then added, "Remember that you should keep this a secret between us and _never_ tell them about this. You know what will happen if they know."

Chan is not as stupid as he think he is. The boy obviously knew what will happen, and he will do anything to prevent that.

"I promise I won't let that happen, hyung."

They exchanged smiles, and Seokmin ruffled the younger's hair which means a sign of peace out and they both snickered as they walked away.

But little did they know, a boy was eavesdropping the whole time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh god this part is just so emo (bcs i know what seokmin and chan's conversation actually meant and i know who was eavesdropping GgKdkskd its bEyond unsettling)


	7. Spring day, 2005

"Seungcheol-ah, have you seen Chan this afternoon?"

The leader found the question a bit original, and yet his heartbeat somewhat fastened and negative thoughts started to devour him.

"I haven't, sir. But I'm sure he's around here, somewhere." Seungcheol played it safe, still looking away from the man.

"He's been gone for hours, Cheol _._ "

The boy silently winced in literal pain. This couldn't be real.

"A- are you sure, sir? I mean, he likes hiding a lot. He must've been-"

The man let out a scoff, he stood up from his seat and walked away, not wanting to listen more.

The man in his mid 20s started putting his hand on his pocket, taking out a key, and unlocked the main door. He sighed in defeat as he realized that keys aren't effective anymore.

As he went outside, not forgetting to lock the door again, he decided to just walk and not use a car. The man has already did some calculations about where Chan is. He's just been gone for several hours, he won't be that far.

_But what if he's kidnapped?_

The man shook that exact thought away and walked faster to the familiar streets. Chan can't get kidnapped. He just can't.

The guardian has been raising Chan for a year and he won't let that drown into a waste. Although the man loves each boys, but Chan is one of his favorites. Not like he's comparing this kid to this kid, but Chan is that one boy who deserves love from every single person in this whole world.

The man shook his thoughts away again. _Not just Chan. These boys deserve all the love too._

The streets were calming, as well as the reddish orange picturesque color on the sky. The man wanted to give up, but he just couldn't. Chan is out there.

" _Chan!_ " He screamed at the top of his lungs.

Horses around him was still silent. It's like they're mocking the guardian for being not responsible enough.

" _Chan! Where are you?_ " He screamed louder again. It resonated this time. He had a glimpse of hope.

The man had beads of sweat appearing everywhere on his body, he felt dehydrated from the moment and he just wanted the kid to suddenly come to him.

Almost giving up, he tried to think about the things that Chan loves.

"I bought him Toy Story movies. He loves Toy Story."

He gulped again, thinking harder.

"Who is his favorite character? Is it- Mr. Potato Head? Buzz? No, no. He- I remember he told me which one is his favorite and it's-"

The man couldn't believe that his lips twitched into a smile as he remembered the moment when Chan told him his favorite character. _"_ _I_ _love that green animal. I forgot the name, but he is funny. I love him."_

"Dino!"

He screamed, louder than before.

On the other side of the big houses, Chan's ears perked as he heard a familiar voice, and a familiar name.

"Did you guys hear that?" Chan asked to the two older kids sitting in front of him. The unknown boys nodded their heads, agreeing.

" _D_ _ino-yah! Where are you?_ "

Chan literally smacked himself in the head as he heard clearer now. It's his guardian. And the fact that the man was calling him with a different name shows everything that the oldest is desperate. _I must've been staying outside for too long._

"Who's that, Chan?" One of the boys asked.

Chan smiled at them, "Follow me. I'll introduce you to someone."

They were unsure at first, but decided to screw everything they're doing right now and just do what Chan says. Hence they stood up from the concrete, and followed Chan's steps.

As the three of them got closer to the man's position, the guardian noticed two unknown boys and Chan standing right in front of them. He felt furious, fumed in anger but he softened at once, remembering that Chan was just a kid.

The boy ran to the man, and smiled in assurance that he was safe all along.

"I'm sorry, sir. I was- looking at the window, and I found these boys and we're friends now. They were left alone outside, so I accompanied them and we somehow ended up having fun on the playground. I'm sorry, sir. I won't do it again."

The man kept himself silent, and glanced at the other two boys. One of them seemed Caucasian, with dark brown hair, and one of them have these chubby cheeks and button nose. He really wanted to do a punishment to Chan for not being obedient enough, but he realized that these two boys were in need of a shelter.

He looked back again at Chan, "Alright, I forgive you. But this will be the last time you're going outside without my permission, okay, Chanie?"

Chan nodded while giggling a bit, feeling nothing but happy that his favorite man was being kind today. Then he signalled his two new friends, telling them to approach closer.

"Sir, they're my friends now. The one with black shirt is Hansol hyung, and this one is Seungkwan hyung. Sir, I know this is wrong, but they need to stay at our place. They don't have anywhere else to stay."

Hansol and Seungkwan widened their eyes at chan. Not because Chan was lying, but because of how frontal Chan was and they didn't expect this at all.

The oldest crouched down to their height level, not wanting to intimidate them. "Do you two remember what happened?"

The two boys had a tint of confusion on their faces, making the guardian become fully aware of the new kids being normal ones.

"Seungkwan, Hansol? I'm sure Chan has told you about me, and yes, I'm his caretaker. Is it true that you don't know anywhere else to stay?"

The boy with the button nose shyly nodded his head, "Y- yes. It was confusing. We just got here suddenly."

"Okay," The man cleared his throat, "Do you want to live with us?"

Hansol and Seungkwan raised their heads, they had joyful puppy eyes.

They nodded their heads frantically. Chan felt flowers blooming in his chest experiencing this. At least, he has friends that were only a year older than him.

In the end, the guardian and Chan headed back home with two new boys for the lone house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is kind of a filler chapter, special for seungkwan and hansol's appearance. and also a special chapter for this guardian man👏👏👏 bcs he finally changes into a good&normal person. as you noticed, he is an abusive guy especially in 2002 (he almost killed mingyu). and now, he calms himself down when he sees chan and uRgh i think it's a big achievement for the guardian WE LOVE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENTS !!! 
> 
> oh yeah just a blurp:: do you notice what was the man's first words when talking to seungkwan and hansol? if you're aware of it, that's a protocol question that he'll ask to every kid he meets. so yes, when he first met seungcheol, he did that question too. same as to what he did to the others. its an urgent clue for the whole plot mmHMHHH i hope it will make sense later


	8. Summer day, 2006

It was any normal day, that day. With an exception that some boys weren't inside the house.

A night before that, their guardian decided to ask the boys to go camping to a two hour long trip campsite. It's like a tradition already. The man would ask them for a trip at every lovely summer days. The rest were highly up to it, since it's their first camping outside.

But some things changed when Mingyu said that he didn't feel like going into a trip.

Altough the guardian was hesitant to accept this, but he finally let go of Mingyu and let him stay at home.

With an exception of several companies; several friends. Seungcheol, Wonwoo, and Hansol.

This was the reason why the amount of people who went camping were decreasing. The man decided to drive with his own car, considering that not a lot of kids joined, and they're not bringing tents due to the campsite's professionalism, but it was fair enough for them. They're having fun.

At the moment, the house was quiet at times. You could hear Seungcheol and Hansol bickering for two minutes, and it died after that. You could also hear Wonwoo talking to himself whether he should watch home alone or not. Lately, he's been feeling bored when watching his favorite movie. The house was still quiet, eventually.

Sitting up from the sofa, Wonwoo emitted a long, deep, audible breath. He's in a boredom situation right now, He felt like he should sleep through the day and wait until the others come home. But that would mean he would sleep until tomorrow and let's just not do that. His mind drifted into Mingyu, wondering how's the puppy boy doing in his room right now.

"Mingyu-yah!"

Another minute of silence, showing that there's no response from the latter. It worried Wonwoo for a bit, but he shrugged it away and thought that his voice wasn't loud and clear enough.

"Yah, Mingyu! Are you up with Hungry Hungry Hippos right now?"

His voice was clearly loud. And yet, another silent momentum and it got on the boy's nerves.

"Hyung, can you please lower it down a bit? Mingyu hyung can't hear you anyway. He's upstairs."

That familiar soft tone made Wonwoo flinch in his position, looking to his back and he saw Hansol peeking him by the end of the corridor.

"Alright. Sorry."

Hansol only gave the older a good halfhearted smile, and returned back to wherever he was. An almost loud slam of a door could be heard, and some bickering happened again. _He must've been playing Monopoly with Cheol hyung. Boys need concentrations._

Wonwoo shrugged it away, and took his decision to go upstairs and play with the puppy boy. He gotta admit that he's not really close with the latter, despite being housemates. Wonwoo literally smacked himself in the head, blaming himself that he didn't know Mingyu well even after several years being in a house together. The incident years ago was just a passageway of them being close, but it was merely a best friend kind of relationship. Wonwoo only got close to him because the latter was obviously hurt. No more than that.

As he went through the stairs, the wooden floor made creaking sounds and it cringed the leader more than ever. He then arrived at another world, another floor.

Upstairs, was a different dimension to him. It's eerily quiet, shivers ate his skin alive. He wondered why four of the noisiest kids, and himself, wanted to stay in this floor.

Heaving a sigh of relief, he approached his own room, and opened the door handle.

"Mingyu? Ya' sleepin'?" Using his unknown satoori to decrease the tensed situation, Wonwoo could only see Mingyu laying on his side on someone else's bed. The latter's back facing the older, and this made Wonwoo unsure of Mingyu's situation. Is he sleeping? Is he ignoring me? Is he dead? Is he zoning out?

"Mingyu." He called out again, but no responses came. The puppy boy's visual mirrored mannequins. Not moving even one inch.

Heart beating fast, adrenaline rushed his blood. His feet moved closer, letting himself enter the room and he closed the door behind him. His mind wandered around negative thoughts, he had to make sure if the boy's alright or not.

As he got closer to one of the beds Mingyu was laying at, his heart palpitated so hard, he could feel himself sweating.

"Yah, Mingyu." He called, shaking the boy's shoulder which was covered with a think blanket.

"A- ah, ah, hyung. D- don't. _P- please_."

Mingyu covered himself even more, not wanting to look stupid in front of his hyung.

On the other hand, Wonwoo saw how Mingyu groaned and mumbled some incoherent words with his eyes closed, his pajamas were wet and shaky breaths came out from the puppy boy.

"You're dreaming, Mingyu. Wake up."

Mingyu wanted to die at the moment. he felt uneasy with all these chaotic heats, and it got even more painful when Wonwoo shook his body seconds ago.

"N- no, hyung. Pl- please, get out of- ah, here. I'm-" he tried to calm himself down, gulping down his non-existent saliva, "-I'm not dreaming."

That, changed Wonwoo's expressions. Mingyu sounded so desperate, as if he really wanted Wonwoo to get out of here. At first, the older took it as a misunderstanding. But as a wise kid he was, Wonwoo found the boy's voice a bit odd. His face seemed dazed too.

"You don't look so good, Gyu. Are you sick? Are- are you, um, having a fever?"

_Of course he's not well right now. What made you think otherwise, Won? Tch._

Wonwoo scoffed at himself for being attentive. He wanted to check the boy's temperature, which is putting his hand to Mingyu's temple but the boy seemed like he didn't want anyone in this room.

Meanwhile Mingyu had to let out a sob and his tears rolled down to his rosy cheeks. He gripped himself even more, covering under the blanket. Mingyu couldn't say anything, his mouth was too distracted to say a letter. The heat felt like punctures. Stabbing him on every part of his body, and Mingyu could've only hoped that Seokmin, Minghao, or Chan was here.

"Oh .. oh, god, Mingyu. Why are- why are you crying?"

Wonwoo scratched his head, feeling like he's not helping the situation at all and Wonwoo felt more panicky than before. Calm down, calm down.

"Gyu, just tell me what hurts."

Mingyu laid on his back, feeling the fiery heat explored through every inch of his parts. Now Wonwoo could see him clearly. Sweat dampened himself and his clothes- even the blanket, his face was red with tears and his raven hair was messed, slicked with sweat. The older frowned, confused of what's happening.

Mingyu wanted to cry out loud and tell his hyung about his situation. But that would mean he's revealing everyone's identities. Telling himself not to act stupid, he only shook his head.

"I'm f- fine. B- but can you, uh, can you t- turn on the-" the boy whimpered in pain, "-the, the AC?"

Wonwoo acted fast. He swiftly grabbed the old school remote control from the bedside table, then he pressed the button to lower down the temperature.

But nothing changed. He noticed the numbers in the screen from the remote told him that it's in the lowest. It's cold already.

_Why is Mingyu acting like this?_

"Mingyu, let's get you out of here. You're sweating. This isn't your bed. Wouldn't want Seungkwan to get mad at you, right?" He faked a smile, wanting his dongsaeng to submit and just get this over with.

But Mingyu could do nothing but cry, innocent tears streamed downwards. If he could move around, he would be in the bathroom right now. But it hurts so much that he couldn't even hold the pain from every trembles he's had. He's unable to move an inch.

"H- hey, Mingyu? Listen to me."

Mingyu tried his best to focus his sight on his hyung, holding his quick breaths.

"You need to let go of this blanket. You're sweating so much."

Mingyu painfully nodded. He unhurriedly pushed the thick cloth away from his body, observing the wet outfit he's wearing. His tanned cheeks went even redder, he realized that he embarrassed himself in front of Wonwoo, the hyung that he's been admiring a lot.

"Okay, good. You're doing good. Now- now you need to stay here. You, um- just fan yourself. Pull your shirt constantly, like this-" Wonwoo did a fanning movement to himself, pinching the part of his shirt on his chest, and he did a push and pull to create a windy oxygen from beneath his clothing.

"- Okay? You know what to do. Stay here, and do that. I'll be going downstairs and bring you some ice, yeah? Don't cover yourself up with the blanket again, Gyu."

As the older left, Mingyu focused to do the given task. He fanned himself, trying to cool down. Even if it was painful to move his hands constantly, at least this was better than not having cold air at all.

Meanwhile, on the other floor, Wonwoo's face had a tint of wonder and confusion mixed into one. But he had to act fast. He grabbed a couple of icepacks from the fridge with no delay, and went back upstairs to help the puppy boy.

A few minutes later, Mingyu was already calmed down with an icepack near his cheeks, another on his left palm, and another one on the edge of Seungkwan's bed to dampen the sheets in cold temperature. Mingyu's eyes were closed, asleep. The boy was definitely tired from the painful heat.

Wonwoo zoned out, he sat himself down on the floor right beside Seungkwan's bed, still wandering: _what just happened_?

He stood up from his position, walked out of the room, and told himself not to tell this incident to anyone but he will find out and solve the odd things himself.


	9. Autumn day, 2007

It's halloween, that day.

Everyone was still inside their rooms, except for Junhui, Jihoon, Seungkwan, and Minghao. They're in the living room, playing the game card, with three mugs of cold tea on the table, and old-fashioned cards on each hiding hands.

"Seungkwan, compare yours with mine." Minghao stated, his eyes still reading the one card he chose a few seconds ago

"What if others saw it?" The youngest asked. Junhui rolled his eyes, huffing jokingly.

"They won't see it, silly. Here, the point is that you have to see mine, and I have to see yours. Just pick one card."

Seungkwan nodded with ease, then he took one card that he picked, leaning a bit to his back so the other two boys can't see it, and he showed it to Minghao. Minghao had a smile on his lips, reading and staring at the character card that Seungkwan just gave. _C_ _onstable_ _._

Seungkwan took his turn to look at the ten year old's card secretly, resulting in his face changed into a full perplexion.

"Boo. You're out of the round, Seungkwan."

" _What? How?!_ " The youngest queried, anger has consumed his childish mind and that only made the hyungs laugh hilariously. Jihoon clapped his hands, eyes turned into half crescents, leaning back and forth frantically from the dying moment. Junhui did the same, almost dead.

"You should've realized that I've got The Dowager Queen, since her character is the only one who can compare with the others. _A_ _ish_ _,_ Seungkwan-ah. If you knew that earlier, you wouldn't have chosen constable. Constable is a level lower than the queen. Read your clues next time."

Seungkwan rolled his eyes and groaned loudly in annoyance, throwing his leftover cards to the table. But the boy wanted to play out his boredom, so he couldn't help but to wait until this round ends.

"Jihoonie hyung, it's your turn."

Jihoon cleared his throat, and he leaned forward to get one of the cards from the discarded stack. He silently prayed that he'll get a good one, and he pulled it to his lap.

Jihoon stared at the remaining five cards in his hands, studying each of it slowly, but time is ticking. So he took one, the one with a painting of an old lady with beige dress, and threw it to the table.

" _I_ _choose_ _B_ _aroness._ I'm not that evil." Jihoon blurted out.

He stared at the two boys, studying more. _Who should I choose?_

"Minghao. Let me know your cards."

The said boy sighed, drastically lowering his mood. "Ugh, why me?"

Jihoon got himself closer to the younger's position, and he caught a glimpse of four cards in hand. _Boy_ , how lucky he is.

_One Assassin, two Jesters_ _, and a Guard._ Jihoon's lips twitched into a smirk as he realized that Minghao's remaining cards were weak and impossible to win.

"You done, hyung?" the Chinese boy asked, sighing loudly to show him that he hates this moment right now. Jihoon went back to his seat as a sign of satisfaction, smirking at minghao.

"Now it's my turn, right?" Junhui asked, breaking the silence.

The boy took a look at his cards, and he threw the one that has a painting of a guy from the Victorian era with shining armor clothes.

"Wait- isn't that _G_ _uard_ _?_ " Seungkwan gasped, then all eyes trailed to the card that Junhui threw.

"Ooh _,_ good one. Alright, whose card do you want to guess. Me, or Jihoon hyung?"

Junhui quickly averted his eyes to the smallest around the room, "You. I bet you have Cardinal- eh, no. _Bishop_ _._ Yes, Bishop. Don't lie, Jihoonie. I know you have one."

Jihoon's eyes twitched, staring at the four cards in hand, and his eyes caught the card with the highest strength of them all. _A_ _Bishop._ Jihoon, was defeated, by a Guard, not to mention that it's _J_ _unhui's_ _._ All hell break loose.

"You peeked mine, didn't you?" Jihoon muttered under his breath, eyebrows had its _angry_ statement.

"Ew, why would I? I'm not Jeonghan hyung. I wouldn't cheat."

Jihoon groaned in annoyance, Silence agreeing and now he knew how Seungkwan felt when he lost. Throwing the cards, he signalled the others that he's out of the game.

" **It's between us two, then.** " Minghao uttered in his native language, playing with his own cards, giving the older some challenging looks.

" **Just letting you know that I'm gonna win this thing. Your oldie Dowager Queen is gone, right? Bishop has only one card and it was** **Jihoon's** **, too. You'll lose,** **Minghao** **.** "

Minghao smirked, not wanting to show his real scared image right now.

" **Don't underestimate the power of 8,** **gege** **. I know better than you. You'll** **-** "

"Um, ni fricking hao? Your korean friends are here too, you know." Jihoon cut in, chugging his cold tea.

"Right, sorry." Minghao relaxed himself on his seat and he gave the others an apologetic look.

Before Seungkwan could give his sassy comebacks to his hyungs, and before the others could do or say anything, the main door opened. Normal bright light appeared from the main corridor, as they noticed.

They could feel the cold daylight from outside, and then the door creaked close, signalling that whoever entered inside was _already_ inside. The four boys tucked their lips into a smile as they saw the familiar adult figure coming from the corridor.

" _Kids!_ How's your day?" The man asked, putting down some filled plastic bags onto the floor properly, and car keys on the table near the cold tea mugs. He put on a smile as he saw the new cards that he just bought three months ago, being played by the boys.

"We're good, actually," Jihoon said, acting up his temporary leader role, standing up from his seat, "We were just playing Love Letter. The others are inside."

The man let out a small _oh_ as he walked further inside the house, scurrying through the kitchen to grab a glass of water.

Seungkwan, who was the one getting in charged of tidying up the cards, did it quick and he gave it back to the owner, Minghao.

"I was wondering if we could go outside tonight. It's been a year since we went out, right? It's Halloween too. I mean- most of you must've wanted to see it."

The other four boys turned their heads to look at the guardian, eyes widened in both shock and excitement.

"W- we're going out tonight, sir?"  
"Will it look like in the movies, sir?"  
"That sounds awesome."  
"Do we give candies to neighbors? We've never talked to them before."

Several slurs and blurts avoided the room, and the guardian only chuckled.

"Yep, we're going. And all of you will wear a costume. Also the makeup equipments. I just bought some." The man pointed his index finger onto the big plastic bags on the floor, resulting on gasps coming out from the boys' mouth.

Seungkwan leaned over to Jihoon, and whispered, " _What's a makeup?_ "

The older whispered back, " _I_ _don't know either._ "

* * *

"I can't believe I'm wearing this," Seungcheol sighed loudly, pinching his signature Charlie Chaplin tuxedo while glaring at the famous old cane across the room.

"Oh, come on, hyung. You look great in it." Chan smiled as he patted the older's shoulder, trying to convince him.

"But I look old."

"Aish, hyung. You should look at my costume. _I'm Christopher Robin!_ We practically live in the same era, I think."

Seungcheol took a look at the younger's outfit, and he looked fresh and adorable with a yellow shirt and dark blue shorts that Christopher likes to wear. His hair was dyed bright brown, it just finished an hour before this conversation happened. Winnie the Pooh might've been created decades ago, but Chan looked like he's wearing a 2000's character costume.

"But Christopher is cute. _I_ don't look cute."

"W- well, you look smart, Charlie hyung! Smart people are great. We shouldn't detect people by their cuteness."

Seungcheol only smiled weakly, feeling the fake rectangular moustache tugging him above his lips. He knew that chan did his best to be a mood booster. Full of efforts.

"Yeah. Thanks, Chanie."

Chan only grinned, showing his incomplete teeth lines and he ran outside of the room, only to see a familiar kid with black robes and round glasses.

"Woah, hyung. _Hyung_ _!_ Oh my god, you look exactly like him!"

Hansol chuckled and he did a spin to show off his long robes, "I do? Well, you look cute as Christopher."

"Ah, thanks, Beonon hyung. Now show me your scar, your bangs are hiding it."

Hansol moved his hand upwards, shoving away his bangs, and there laid the famous harry potter thunderlike scar that Voldemort did on his temple. Chan got himself awestruck, giggling like a five year old as he clapped unconsciously.

" **A** **lohomora** **.** " Hansol playfully pulled out his wand from his pocket, and pointed it towards the key hole from Seungcheol's room's door. He made a sound as if the door unlocked, resulting in Chan giggling even louder.

"I love you, hyung. You're the best." Chan said while wiping his laughing tears away.

"Eh, not as best as Mingyu hyung though. You should see him. I think his makeup is done by now." Hansol said to the younger, putting his wand back.

"Where is he?"

"Woohoo, the dracula is upstairs .." Hansol did a ghostly voice as he walked away from the boy, going inside Seungcheol's room.

Chan was excited as he acknowledged that the almost tall puppy boy is wearing a dracula costume. He admitted that Mingyu does have that vampire kind of vibe. He bites literally everything. Mingyu once almost bit Soonyoung's neck out of adoration, but the fox boy caught him first and got mad at Mingyu for two weeks straight. Not to mention that Mingyu has long canine teeth. He's definitely a dracula in disguise.

Chan went upstairs, and now he's in front of the biggest bedroom in the house. He knocked, and entered inside.

He was in awe as he noticed several boys are already in their respective costumes. Jihoon, cosplaying Nobita, scratched his itchy eyes behind his round glasses. Chan's eyes trailed to the boy right beside Jihoon, which is Wonwoo. Wonwoo was wearing a brown mask that covered every inch of his head except for his eyes and temple. Chan had to focus first, but he finally remembered that Wonwoo is cosplaying Hannibal Lecter from the Silence of the Lambs, minus the bald head. The flashback from the movie had Chan shivering, so he quickly averted his eyes to the boy sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Who is this?" Chan asked unconsciously, approaching and poking the boy with a ghost face mask and black robes.

"It's me," Just two words from the boy with the familiar Scream outfit, Chan laughed and realized who it is.

"Ah, _Junhui_ _hyung_ _?_ I thought you'd be Michael Myers or something. Look at Wonwoo hyung. He's Hannibal. Ghost face is- meh."

Junhui then stood up from his seat, " _Yah, don't say that!_ You cried the first time you watched Scream. I know you're scared of me."

Chan rolled his eyes, leaving the chinese boy, "Still. Michael fits you."

Chan heard a bunch of angry mumbles from Junhui, but he shrugged it away and only chuckled when he saw Seungkwan buttoning his shirt in front of the mirror.

"Hyung- what character are you?"

"Oh, me? Seungkwan."

"Just, Seungkwan?"

"Just Seungkwan."

Chan giggled, "That can't be true."

Seungkwan let out a loud sigh, finished with his own buttons, "Of course it can. I'm being myself now."

Chan laughed as a sign of agreement, walking himself towards Mingyu's chair. And yet Seungkwan couldn't help but to feel jealous seeing Chan's signature costume.

_Christopher Robin? That should be me_ _!_

Mingyu flinched when he felt a poke from his shoulder, only to see an awestruck Chan gasping his life out.

"Woah, you look- amazing, sir Drac. Can I be you?"

Mingyu let out a jokingly manly laugh, playing out with his robes. Chan gasped even more when he saw longer canine teeth from the older.

"Cut it, Christopher. I know you shouldn't be here." Mingyu was in his Dracula role, smirking, showing his canines even more. Chan wanted so bad to just skip this thing and admire Mingyu's outfit. But a roleplay with Drac Mingyu? Who wouldn't want that?

"You know- my friend, Piglet, sent a message to you. He wants to meet you. In this castle."

Mingyu was about to say his iconic dialogue, but he bursted out in laughter imagining a dracula and piglet hanging out.

"Oh god," Mingyu almost wiped the crimson red from his lips, still laughing, "You ruined it."

Chan then had a conversation with Mingyu, talking about halloweens and stuff. After almost five minutes or so, he continued looking around to see others.

Chan went outside of the room, searched around, he finally met the other five boys in their costumes. Jeonghan is cosplaying prince charming from the Cinderella cartoon, his temporary blonde hair stood out the most. Soonyoung is cosplaying Luffy. Minghao was wearing the iconic yellow robes and an origami boat in hand, which chan assumed that he's cosplaying Billy from the It movie. Seokmin as Captain Tsubasa, minus the spiky hair. Joshua as the professor from The Powerpuff Girls.

Chan didn't know why, but he's never felt this happy before.

〰

The highlight of that night, was just them, having fun.

They walked outside, but the guardian told the kids not to give candies to anyone else. They're out there to have fun and that's it, no interacting with other people.

They also approached a mini Halloween carnival not too far. Even though the kids aren't allowed to talk with other people, yet they're still amazed seeing how crowded it is. They've never seen a crowd before. only in movies. It's a lifetime opportunity for all of them.

While talking and hanging out with each other on the benches near the carnival, Seokmin also begged the guardian to let him buy something.

After thousands of begs, the man finally allowed him. With a condition that he has to come with Seokmin .

In the end, he accompanied Seokmin, only to buy small twelve packs of biscuit and an ice cream.

~~By _buying,_ I meant ~~ ~~_stealing_ ~~ ~~_._ ~~

The kids still don't know that their caretaker has been fulfilling their life with foods, drinks, equipments, personal needs, and clothes that were _stolen._

Seokmin knew, however. Minghao, Mingyu, and Chan too. But the rest of them were still oblivious and had no idea about that.

In the end of the night, the man and Seokmin's efforts were a success. Seokmin gave the biscuits to his friends and to himself, then he gave the vanilla ice cream cone to Mingyu. Seokmin wouldn't break his promise.

They had fun, and went home.

Only a little did they know, that night was their last night hanging out together outside as in fourteen people.

But it's alright. At least, they're together.

At least, they all had a feeling that no matter where their home is, being together _also_ feels like home.

At least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dUN DUN DUNNNN
> 
> just letting you know that the love letter game was created in 2011/2012 or so. lets just pretend that in this au, the cards were already created back in the 90s.
> 
> and um, this chapter is the last storyline before everything and everyone gets messed up


	10. Winter day, 2008

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gluck

Chan felt furiously cold that night.

It might've been just because of the season, but the boy noticed it fast when he felt his hands trembling out of pain. Winter doesn't make him feel this sick. It's something else.

He sat up from his sleeping position, staring at the clock near him. He could hear the ticks and tocks pretty well, but he had to focus himself and finally calculated the minutes and hours.

_9:21 PM_   
_T_ _wo more hours._

He hissed in pain as he felt cold stabs each on every bones inside. Shivering, he covered himself with the thick blanket, leaving only his head uncovered.

He leaned to his right, and looked down to see Seokmin's bunk bed. Not wanting to disturb the others kids' sleep, he put his hand downwards and shook Seokmin's shoulder.

"H- hyung, I think I'm-" Chan stopped for a second, "-I'm having _that_ again.  
Help, hyung, it hurts."

Seokmin unconsciously shoved Chan's hand away, letting out a groggy groan, "Shut up, Hansol."

Chan didn't have his chance to argue with the older. He slowly climbed down the mini ladder from his bed, without taking his blanket. His legs wobbled, but he tried his best and made it out onto the cold tiles.

As he was about to go outside, he noticed that no one was sleeping on Soonyoung's bed. _Is he outside?_

Soft snores, Chan ignored them and quickly left the room.

Tiptoeing downstairs, he heard several chatters and laughter from the living room. Chan furrowed his eyebrows, thinking whether whoever is hanging out there must've been crazy. Because their guardian would've been flipping out and punish them or something worse.

But judging from how loud they were, Chan solved the fact that their guardian could've been in a good mood tonight.

Chan was now downstairs, and immediately ran to Seungcheol's room. He wanted to see Mingyu, or Minghao inside. He needed to get this cold thing away, and just stay healthy for the rest of two hours.

Not caring to knock first, Chan held the door handle and twist it open.

" _W-_ _what?_ "

Trying it one more time, Chan let out a sigh of desperation.

"No. _N-_ _no._ "

It's locked.

He could feel himself tremble even more. Chan's last and little hope was: the ones who were in the living room include Minghao or Mingyu.

He tiptoed slowly to the living room, not wanting to feel the cold tiles on his feet. And as he approached closer to the laughing sounds, his lips twitched into a smile, hopeful for the last time.

"Oh, Chan? You're not asleep yet?"

Seungcheol's question didn't bother chan at all. The youngest in the room couldn't help but to frown. No Mingyu nor Minghao.

"I, uh, can't sleep." He mumbled behind his teeth, holding himself not to let out shaky breathings, slowly sitting down onto an empty part of the sofa, right beside Seungcheol.

"You okay, Chan?" Jisoo asked, noticing the pale figure.

"I'm fine. Just continue what you're doing."

Chan fake smiled, and it did reassure his hyungs and so they continued. Seungkwan was telling out jokes that were actually a tad bit funny to Chan. The others laughed, even Chan did, but not too loud. It was a mere laugh, after all. He felt dizzy, and his heartbeat palpitated.

Shivering, Chan shifted himself on the couch to make it cozier but it didn't work to no avail. He felt nauseous, early vomit signs were about to come out.

Chan leaned closer to Seungcheol's ears, "H- hyung, give me your keys to your room. I need to talk to Mingyu hyung."

seungcheol furrowed his eyebrows when he heard the whisper, "what do you mean? i didn't lock it."

While the rest of the boys were still talking, Seungcheol was in his anxious state.

"Don't tell me that me and Jisoo are locked outside."

Chan kept silent, giving the older an apologetic look. Seungcheol could only wince, holding himself not to get his anger come out.

"Uh, alright," Seungcheol quietly sighed, "We'll just wait until this conversation ends. I'm gonna ask our guardian for spare keys. But after you see Mingyu, you'll have to go to bed."

Chan almost nodded, then he remembered something.

"No, it's okay, hyung. I won't see Mingyu hyung tonight. I'll just do it tomorrow."

"You sure?"

Chan hesitated.

"Yeah. Just let me stay here for awhile."

Seungcheol gave the latter a convincing smile, patting Chan's knee in a brotherly way, and continued looking towards the conversation.

Chan wanted to cry, but he smiled back.

"Hey, you two. What's going on?" Soonyoung asked, all eyes travelled to the oldest and the youngest, breaking out their warm atmosphere. Not too warm, for Chan.

"We're fine. Chan just told me and Jisoo and I are locked outside from our room. Peachy, I know."

The remaining two boys laughed, Jisoo could only let out a natural yelp but he soothed his anger quickly.

" _What? Who locked the door?!_ "

Seungcheol chuckled, "Yah, yah, yah. Don't shout. I don't know either."

Jisoo growled out of annoyance, but he tried to calm himself down fast. He didn't want to ruin this warm conversation they're facing.

"Anyway, I i just heard from our guardian that he was about to bring a kid home. But he cancelled it. His name is Jaemin, I think." Soonyoung shifted himself on the sofa and leaned to his back.

"How old is he?" Chan asked, blurting out all of a sudden. He wanted to be hopeful that the Jaemin boy is younger than him. But all that faith was gone when he remembered that their guardian cancelled bringing jaemin here.

"Eight, as I remember."

Chan did a small _woah_ , thousands of questions came.

"Why didn't he bring him here?" The youngest asked again.

Soonyoung cleared his throat, noticing that the atmosphere went a little cold.

"He told me that Jaemin's back aches a lot. So there's no way our guardian could bring him."

Chan's breath faltered, fully aware that even this _Jaemin_ boy was the same as him. And Mingyu. Minghao. Seokmin.

"Ah, poor him."  
"I hope he has a home."  
"Will he be okay now?"  
"He's even younger than Chan."  
"Our guardian should've just brought him here anyway."

Soonyoung sighed, and he changed the topic to turn back the warm situation five minutes ago. It came back again. All of them laughing, grinning, talking about their roommates, all stuff.

If only they knew what chan was thinking.

* * *

Everyone in the living room was a bit slurred. It's their first time hanging out until ten at night.

Only a couple of bickering between Seungkwan and Soonyoung. Jisoo was silently studying the love letter cards on his hands, Seungkwan told him that Minghao hid it under the table. Seungcheol huffed, he wanted to go back to bed but he's too lazy to do anything.

"Hyung."

A familiar soft tone from Chan broke the uneasy silence. He didn't feel as cold as before. It's a lot better now. Only a couple of cold sweat here and there, but it's alright.

"What's wrong?" One of them asked.

"Do you know that," the youngest paused, looking for the right words, "the stars welcome us with open arms?"

Chan's eyes trailed to the clock on the wall. _10:25._

"Tch, Chanie. You're just being sleepy. Go to bed." Jisoo scoffed, still glancing at the cards.

Meanwhile Seungcheol felt odd.

"I'm not sleepy. I was just," Chan's heartbeat fastened, "stating out the facts."

He was signalling. It's a very obvious and _big_ signal and yet, they didn't realize. Chan wanted to burst out in tears, he didn't want to tell them directly.

"I'll tell you one more time." Chan said, clearing out his throat.

"I heard that the stars welcome us with open arms."

The others went silent. Chan panicked. He didn't want to look suspicious, so he continued, "It's cool, right?"

Seungkwan broke the awkward silence, "You're being weird, Chan."

The said boy ignored the older's words. He smiled this time. Real one.

"I know. and I want to hug the stars someday."

The others took it as a mere child hope, and as a joke. They continued having fun when Jisoo suddenly asked them to play the love letter game together.

* * *

"Yeah, good night." Soonyoung waved his hand to the two older boys, Seungcheol and Jisoo, heading back to their room.

The fox boy glanced back to his dongsaengs on the sofa, giving them a familiar look. "Come on. We should go upstairs."

Seungkwan sighed, standing up from his seat, following the the other's footsteps. Then he stopped at his tracks when he heard no tippy toes coming from behind, Chan didn't even stand up from the couch yet.

"You're not coming?" the taller asked.

Chan gave him an assuring smile, "I'm going to the bathroom first. I'll catch up later."

"Okay." Seungkwan mumbled, relieved. He then worked his muscles going upstairs, leaving the maknae alone.

After a minute or two being left alone, it was-

calming, to Chan.

He's been planning this out almost a year ago. He should've been scared about this, and yet, he didn't feel terrified at all.

He walked back and forth, not panicking, but he kept on walking back and forth. _Should I tell the others?_

Chan shook his head, biting his fingernail. He felt like he's done enough to be a burden around the house. He didn't want to make the others feel this way. He has to act mature, somehow.

Chan envies Seungcheol almost everyday. That boy was highly matured despite his age. He had this leader aura, not to mention that everyone falls in line to it. Chan admired him too much that he almost felt like he _envied_ Seungcheol. But in the end, Chan loves the leader boy unconditionally. He was his brother, after all.

Chan found himself smiling at the thought.

Maybe if Chan wasn't here anymore, Seungcheol could take care of the others properly.

Whimpering, his eyes were filled with baby blue tears, smiling, and he sat down on the cold tiles.

He hugged his legs closer, letting the teardrops fall on his pale knees.

Chan's relieved, somehow.

After all these years.

Everyone took care of him well.

Chan might've been the few last person to enter the house, but he would be the first one to go home. Get back to where he belongs.

He tried to smile, but ended up shaking as the tears ran down. A hand was brought to his mouth, the boy leaned his head onto the wall and silenced all of the pent up frustrations inside. Chan forced himself to keep his eyelids down, earning more liquid to fall out.

"I'm sorry."

He didn't know for whom those words are.

"I'm sorry."

He said it again.

_"I'm being selfish. I shouldn't leave my brothers alone."_

_"But I have to."_

His sweet nothings were rather calming, they soothed the whole room that no one heard.

Before he said anything, he tried his best to get some flashbacks of his hyungs.

But he couldn't remember anything. He panicked.

The only picture on his mind was the Halloween night. It was the most heartwarming event to Chan, and he'd love to remember it always.

Chan nodded to himself, admitting that he's ready.

"My name is _Lee Chan_ ," he mumbled, crying out his tears.

The only boy in the room opened his eyes, travelling to the circular wooden clock on the wall, and he swore he could feel himself regretting.

_11:02_   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"And I accept my death."

Closing his eyes, he smiled. His hopes faded away, no tears this time.

Then the last memory of the day came in.

* * *

"Chanie, sweetie. Don't go too far!"

"Okay."

The said boy with red cheeks continued slipping away from his position, his skating shoes hurt his feet a bit but it didn't matter. It was his mother's birthday, that day. It's winter, and she decided to bring her son onto the nearest natural ice rink in Iksan. A boy like Lee Chan wouldn't let that offer go into a waste.

"Woohoo! Mum, look at me!"

He felt free, and yet his legs wobbled out of coldness. Chan kept pushing his feet, targeting the middle of the frozen lake. He giggled, feeling like he won a skating competition.

What he didn't know is that a small rock, as small as a nail, was in his way.

Resulting in Chan, falling.

"Chan!"

The mother heard the loud glossy thud, eyes searching for a red colored jacket in between all of the white ice. And with shaky breaths, she screamed again, "Chan- baby, are you okay?"

The worried sound of his mother on the edge of the lake made the boy challenge himself not to cry, which worked well.

"I'm okay!" he shouted back, high pitched.

He noticed the frozen ice underneath him was bleeding. He flinched, quickly searching for the source of blood.

The boy with the red jacket almost cried when he saw the small stone piercing through his kneecap.

"M- mum, I think I should-"

His mother was running around the lake to the nearest spot where she could carefully walk on the ice, "No, Chan! Stay where you are!"

The said boy panicked, he tried to stand up.

Then something clacked. Underneath him.

Shifting his head down to see, Chan could pinpoint several streak of uneven white lines appeared on the frozen pool.

And it appeared more under his shoes.

Confused, he called his mother.

"Mum?"

His mother was shaking, now only a meter away from Chan but the white cracked lines were getting wider.

"Baby, hey- hey, Chanie baby, look at me. Walk slowly and reach for my hand."

Chan sobbed, confused with the broken ice sound.

Then he realized what it was.

"Mum, I can't reach .."

All he could feel was the cold, cold water only a second after; and his mother's gurgled screams from above.

**Lee Chan, 5 years old, 13th December 2004, 11:02 AM, died from drowning and hypothermia.**

**Accepted his death: 13th December 2008, 11:02 PM** **.**

* * *

It's rather calming, they say, getting back to your home. To where you belong. Finally, _finally,_ a certain boy with the red jacket and hushed giggles can hug the stars. They all welcomed him with a warm embrace, just like how he wished for on every night.

Through soft snores, velvety pillows, and zero awareness of Chan's whereabouts, it's safe to say that the living room was now empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


End file.
